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My real strength was in my legs. I enjoyed getting outside and walking. During this period, I felt a real change in my personality. I started to feel more emotional than ever before. If I didn't know better, I would say that my brain was also becoming more feminine. The dumbest stuff would make me laugh or start crying. During this time, I started to become more dependent on my friends and especially Michael. Home life became a daily evasion of my mother's growing curiosity. I knew she suspected something was happening, but never came right out and said anything. Many times, she would knock and want to catch me undressed to inspect my obviously changing body, but was too polite to invade my privacy. I had to purchase new clothing twice that year to adjust to my rapidly changing shape. Underwear and pants had to go, or they would overemphasize my changing hips and bottom. I never grew voluptuous, but it was obvious that I now had a teen-age figure. I could wear an A cup bra when I. “You’ve had a lucky escape.”“I know,” she agreed. “I’m still shocked at myself. I expect they’ll get bored of that silly name quickly.”I didn’t disabuse her of that belief but in my case, the nickname was still in use decades later.“Are you still upset about Steve?” I asked.“A bit, and I’m still ashamed of what I did but sleeping with Lauren so soon afterwards changes things.”I was amazed at how easily my daughter could brush off the fact that it was she who had cheated so publically on her long term boyfriend. Whatever Steve had done afterwards had been the result of severe provocation. Or had the whole thing been planned by Lauren all along?The thought reminded me of my own situation in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. By arranging secret assignations with Tony I was lying to my husband, but was I cheating on him too? Surely not; he already knew Tony and I were fucking so where was the harm?Whatever the answer, it wasn’t enough to make me want to change the plans we had in.
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